Wednesday, January 31, 2007

No, Thank You

I have been working on an application package for about a week; and today, just hours from submitting it, I realized that I couldn't. It was a combination of reasons, most of which are not publishable here, but the bottom line is summed up in two issues: not being able to work for a specific individual, and to pursue that position felt like giving up on my dream of writing. So from one perspective it feels like I have moved backward behind square one, and yet another part of me feels relieved of the long commute and essentially mundane work that is the primary set of tasks required.

So...now what? That's my question precisely. Last night someone told me they were praying that I would get a "good" job. So I asked what that would be; to which they replied that that was for me to figure out. Thanks alot. No pressure here. (cloud of steam forms over head).

But I know I am not the only person out there running around in the dark with a wet match stick. I am reading some carefully selected writing bloggers who tell about the "blind alleys" they endured looking for the open door. So while I know in my head that I can't give up, the rest of me is taking a beating and wants somebody to throw in the towel and save me from this mad pursuit.

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