Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Life Changes: blogging the crossroads

On this coming Thursday I will have been blogging for 6 months. This past month I have been evaluating how things are going, and reading lots of blogs, and reading lots of blogs with advice about blogging. I read a poem Tim Draayer posted on his blog Live Your Best Life. And then my part-time job went away. Those aren't necessarily related events.

If you haven't read Tim's blog, yet, he refers to himself as an entrepreneur, a relationship blogger, and an introvert. In case you think that's a typo I meant to spell i-n-t-r-o-v-e-r-t. You are probably wondering how well the entrepreneur and the relationship blogger parts could work out for an introvert; I know I did. I found myself being drawn to read more and more of Tim's posts because he is successful and social, and he makes it work while taking care of his interior life needs. He is good company to have when it feels like the bottom is falling out of your life boat.

In recent years I have become aware that my personality is in the introvert spectrum. In learning about introversion and how it influences interaction, I have been coming to realize that as an introvert I need to slow down and plan private repair time to compensate for the drain that interacting takes on my resources. That realization has led me to question if I could be accurately perceiving my sense of destiny to do something significant (not necessarily famous - okay). Usually things of significance require incredible investments of time, money and energy; they also require coordination and interaction with lots of people, most of whom are high-level strangers.

Anyway, Tim posted a poem by Dawna Markova titled "I Will Not Die an Unlived Life." Go ahead and read it, I'll wait. It is not something that can be read once and set aside. The words continue to rattle around inside long after the page is put away and the computer has been turned off. Wandering up and down the corridors of the heart they knock on the doors behind which the dreams and aspirations youth were closeted in the name of reality.

But Markova didn't write just a poem, "I Will Not Die an Unlived Life," she also wrote a book by the same title. And when you read in the dedication "...who insist on breaking free of the limitations of their previous history..." you know it was written for you for there is no one whose present living is not hemmed-in by the reality of what has been.

Much of the book has the feel of Lindbergh's Gift From the Sea. The obvious differences are mountains versus seashore, and 1970-80's culture versus 1950-60's culture. If you loved reading Lindbergh, but had trouble understanding where she was coming from culturally, you will definitely love Markova because younger readers will be better able to make the connections between the present and her more recent past. But loving it does not mean it is easy to read for much of it is haunting.

But in light of the recent events I do not think finding the book at a tiny local library can be any sort of coincidence. I may not agree with some of her choices of tools but her questions and the spiritual inventorying are very relevant to me now.


Tim Draayer said...

Deb - I'm really touched by your thoughts here. Not only about me but about your own discoveries. I'm so happy that you're finding your way and look forward to hearing more.

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